


Someone Isn't Me

by A_big_ol_gay



Category: Incredibles (Pixar Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty beans, Evelyn is upset, F/F, Helen is extremely confused, I love them so much, I'm new to this scene, It's kind of a song fic but not really?????, Modern AU, No supers, Tagging is confusing, This is probably so out of character for them, based on a halsey song, big ol au, i don't know how to tag these things, pls spare me, this is my first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 14:03:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15487467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_big_ol_gay/pseuds/A_big_ol_gay
Summary: Evelyn decides to send Helen a letter one night explaining her thoughts and feelings and what she concluded from them.  Helen doesn’t like the outcome of the letter, and contrary to what it seems, neither does Evelyn.I don't really know how else to like summarize this????





	Someone Isn't Me

**Author's Note:**

> Semi-modern, non-super AU in which Evelyn isn’t the stone cold bitch that everyone knows and loves. They are teenagers in Metroville High School and Evelyn’s parents never died. Based off of the Halsey song “Sorry.” I would recommend listening to it while reading. 
> 
> I don’t own the song or anything that has to do with the Incredibles. That's all Halsey and Disney. I’m just here for everything that’s queer. Spare me pls.

 

            Her knuckles turned the color of the sheet of paper in front of her as she held back the sobs that threatened to overtake her body.  Slender fingers were wrapped around a black ballpoint pen while her other hand was around the neck of a bottle of red wine from her parent’s old wine cellar.  She usually knew what to say, but she was at a loss for words when it came to this.  She shifted in an attempt to get more comfortable, but given the situation, that was impossible.  She tried bringing her right leg up to rest on the seat of the leather chair and letting her left leg dangle.  It would do for now.  Her gaze swept across the wall in front of her.  Pictures of their smiling faces were plastered all over the dim room.  They mocked her.  They pointed out all that she had done wrong throughout the past couple years.  They told her that she was no good for the girl that she loved.  The young brunette sighed deeply and let her head hang.  She had to do this.  She couldn’t taint the girl any longer than she already had.  Taking a long swig of the bitter, red liquid, she began to write. 

 

“Dear Helen,

I’m sure you don’t want to hear from me given the fact that I’ve successfully avoided your calls for the last few weeks.  You’re probably thinking to yourself, ‘why in god’s name are you finally talking to me now?! Why couldn’t you talk to me in person when I tried to confront you weeks ago?’  I can’t say I’m not asking myself the same exact thing.  You see, I’ve realized how much of a jerk I’ve been and finally decided to talk to you...through a letter...yea, not exactly the kind of confrontation you wanted.  The only issue is that I don’t know what the _fuck_ to say right now.  I guess I should try to figure that out…” 

            The brunette stopped for a second to gather her thoughts.  She didn’t think about how it would feel to actually write the letter.  She looked down at the paper and felt her heart clench with the amount of pain she felt from just thinking about what she was about to write.  This would probably hurt her more than the letters’ recipient.  She would try to move on and the addressee would move on too.  It was inevitable.   

            “Okay, here goes nothing.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that it seems like I wasted the last couple years of our lives.  I’m sorry that my emotions are so fucked up that I can’t tell whether I’m in love with you or if I hate you.  I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to believe that you actually loved me and weren’t just trying to show off to everyone that you were some do-gooder.  I never could really wrap my head around the fact that you genuinely loved me.  It seemed like a dream come true…but we all know that dreams eventually have to come to an end.  One of us had to wake up eventually and smell the piping hot coffee.  I always thought that the look in your eyes was just a wall you put up to mask the real things you felt for me.  The burning hatred you felt for me.  I guess I should’ve known from the beginning that this bridge was bound to burn.”

            Against her will, tears began to fall onto the paper.  At first, she thought she was hallucinating, but then she could feel the tears running down her cheeks.  She could feel the way her chest was aching.  It felt as though she was being ripped in half.  She could see her hands trembling and her sock-clad feet shaking.  She couldn’t stop the sob that broke free from her body.  Once the first one exited her being, more fell from her mouth like a waterfall.  A torrent of emotions came to the forefront of her mind and she didn’t know how to function with the overwhelming feelings.  Dropping the bottle onto the floor and the pen onto the paper, her hands raked through her short, choppy hair.  She gripped onto it hard and pulled.  Tears streamed down her face on their own accord.  Her body quaked with violent sobs and cries of anguish.  Tears and droplets of spittle flew onto the desk and paper.  She was really doing this and it _fucking hurt_.  She released her hair, picked up the bottle, took another sloppy swig of the wine, and continued to write. 

            “It bothers me that this is how I’m ending things between us.  Leaving all of these years behind feels horrible but I just _can’t_ do this Hel.  I can’t...I’m so used to being this stone cold bitch that just stays to herself.  Then you came along and ruined everything.  I used to be able to hide from everyone and do my own thing.  Now I’ll never be able to forget your stupid fucking birthday or your mom’s favorite songs that she would _obnoxiously_ blast in the car every single time it came on.  I’ll never be able to forget that you have little flecks of gold in your eyes when the light hits them just right or the way your fingers feel when they glide across my skin.  I’ll never be able to forget the way you light up whenever you see a motorcycle or the way your smile looks in the moonlight.  I’ll never forget how you feel pressed against me on my tiny bed or how your snore when you have too many pillows under your head.  I’ll never forget the way you cry over stupid movies or shows or the way you laugh at corny jokes.  I’ll never forget the way you always beg to watch the sunset or the way your hair looks in different lighting.  I’ll never forget the way you dance in the kitchen while you cook or the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.  You’ve broken me Helen.  I’ll never be able to forget anything about you and I fucking _hate_ you for that. 

            _Fucking hell._   It seems like every single time something good comes into my life, I ruin it with my need to run as far away from it as I can.  I know when you read this letter you’ll probably hate me as much as I hate myself right now.  I can’t say I would be shocked.  I can’t do this anymore Helen.  It’s too much.  I’m so sorry. 

 

Someone will love you one day, but that someone isn’t me and it will _never_ be me. 

Good bye Helen. 

 

  * Evelyn Deavor”



_____________________________________

 

            Two days later, Helen went out to grab mail around noon.  She sorted through the letters and her stomach dropped when she saw Evelyn’s name on the corner.  She ran inside and blindly threw the mail toward a table.  The auburn haired girl ran to her room, locked it and sat on her bed.  In her hands was an explanation, an apology, or something that would haunt her for the rest of her life.  She felt queasy.  She stared at the letter for what felt like an eternity but was only really a few minutes.  Evelyn’s normally elegant handwriting was slightly messy.  It looked as though her hand had jerked around while writing.  Holding her breath, Helen ripped open the envelope.  As she first inspected the papers, she noticed there were random spots on the papers.  The papers were littered with tiny off white patches and small circles of red.  She could almost smell the alcohol she knew Evelyn had been drinking.  The brunette had the tendency to drown out her feelings with alcohol so it wouldn’t come as a shock that she was drinking again. 

            Steeling herself, Helen began to read.  As her eyes studied each word with careful attention, her normally bright room began to darken around her.  The pictures scattered on her walls taunted her with each passing second.  Tears streamed freely down her face and her body rocked with each sob that ripped through her.  Helen felt as though her world was breaking in two.  Her hands gripped the stained papers harder, wrinkling the edges.  She couldn’t even get three quarters of the way through the letter before she had to stop.  She couldn’t see through the tears in her eyes.  Gingerly, Helen laid the papers down and moved so she was on the edge of her bed.  Her head was cradled in her hands as everything came crashing down around her.  She knew Evelyn.  She knew what kind of letter this was.  She walked over to her closet on unsteady legs and dug around until she found what she had been searching for.  Evelyn had left one of her hoodies at Helen’s house one night and had never asked for it back.  Trembling hands slipped through the sleeves as she pulled it over her head.  It still had the faint musky scent of the brunette.  Trudging back to her bed, she sat down and continued to read the wretched letter.  By the time she had finished it, her face was blotchy, her nose was a vibrant shade of red, and her eyes were puffy.  Snot had begun to come out of her nose whilst she sobbed.  She brought her legs up to her chest and laid her tear-stained face on her knees.  She began to rock back and forth as the realization hit her. 

            “Nononononono.  You don’t get to do that to me Ev.  This is all a bad dream.  A really bad one at that.  You don’t get to give up on us.  You don’t get to give up on me like that.”  Helen felt as though she was losing her touch with reality.  She began to speak softly to herself.  “She wouldn’t do that to me.   She couldn’t do that to me.  What the hell is going on here?!  Please make it stop.  Please…just make it stop.”  She continued to sob into the late hours of the night, eventually falling asleep after she exhausted herself.  Some miles away, Evelyn had done the same exact thing for the third night in a row. 

________________________________________

 

            The following Monday, the two girls were woken up by the sound of an alarm clock.  Evelyn dragged herself out of bed and began her morning routine with a cup of black coffee.  She was sure to bring to cup up to her nose to breathe in the refreshing scent of the steaming liquid.  She then proceeded to shower, dress herself in a pair of black slacks, a black and white checkered button up, and a jacket.  She paired the outfit with her favorite brown boots.  She grabbed a jacket at random and happened to pull out one that Helen had given her.  She growled and glared at it as though it were inferior to her. 

            “Of fucking course I would grab that one…”  She threw it back in her closet forcefully and grabbed a grey overcoat.  She attempted to brush her hair after drying it but it stuck out all over.  Sighing and shaking her head, she went to brush her teeth and wait for the bus to come pick her up for school.  She fondled the bottom of her shirt as she waited.  Would Helen talk to her?  Would she avoid the brunette?  Would Helen be angry or would she act as though she had never existed?  She was jolted out of her thoughts when the bus pulled down her road. 

            Helen, on the other hand, went straight for the bathroom to wash off any residual sadness from her body.  She scrubbed her body raw and fought back tears as thoughts of what may happen later invaded her thoughts.  She stepped out of the shower, brushed her teeth, and walked into her room.  The auburn haired girl stared at her walls blankly.  Pictures of the last three years covered her room.  She shook her head and attempted to cast out any thought of Evelyn from her mind.  She picked a grey sweater and blue jeans as her outfit for the day.  Her outfit was paired with a pair of black flats.  After dressing herself, Helen began to brush and dry her hair.  Staring in the mirror, she wondered what exactly Evelyn was thinking while writing that letter.  What caused the brunette to make this decision? What was going through her head at the moment?  Helen sighed and knew she was going to have to talk to Evelyn one way or another today.  Evelyn would not get out of it this time. 

__________________________________________

 

            The halls were filled to the brim with students that were either half asleep or hyped up on way too much coffee.  Evelyn walked into the high school with a frown on her face and her head down.  Though it wasn’t unusual for her to walk in like this, surrounding students knew to stay away from her.  They all thought she was one of those weird outcasts that didn’t seem to fit into any of the cliques.  The only way they would ever attempt to speak to her was if Helen was with her.  Evelyn was perfectly fine with no one talking to her anyway.  She wasn’t ever very good with people.  The brunette pushed her way past students who were idling in the halls before classes began to get to her locker.  Students around her were whispering and gossiping about her which didn’t come as much of a shock for Evelyn.  She stopped in front of her locker, opened it, placed her coat inside, and went over what she had to do to get through today.   

            “Okay.  I woke up, got dressed, and made it to school with all of my stuff.  I need to grab my notebooks for class.”  She stopped, grabbed the notebooks, and then stared at the back of her locker.  “What else do I need to do to get through today?  First, I need to steer clear of Helen.  Then, I need to go to my classes and pay careful attention to the teachers.  Then, I need to get all of my work done, hand it in, and avoid Helen.  After, I need to find a different place to sit for lunch, get through today without trying to kill myself or someone else, stay away from Helen, and go home.”  She sighed and pressed her head against the neighboring locker.  “Today is a great fucking day already…”

            “No.  It’s really not but I’m glad you seem to be having a good one.”  Evelyn’s eyes opened wide and she stood up straight.  Her hands were balled up into fists from being caught off guard.  She wondered how long she had been standing there.  The brunette turned her head slowly to find a very irritated red head glaring at her.  “We need to talk Evelyn.  Now.” 

            “And what if I say no?

            “You never had a say in it so…” 

            “What the fu-” Helen slammed Evelyn’s locker shut and grabbed her wrist.  People stared as they rushed past them.  She dragged the brunette through the long halls of the school until she could find a secluded area.  They stumbled upon an open janitors’ closet and Helen decided to shove Evelyn inside and shut the door with both of them inside.  The auburn haired girl crossed her arms and looked at Evelyn.  Evelyn kept a cool poker face and stared right back.  Helen sighed and began,

            “So what the fuck is this thing?”  She brought her left hand up and showed Evelyn the letter. 

            “It’s exactly what it says it is.  What else would it be?”  Helen rubbed her head with her free hand and sighed. 

            “So basically, this is just you giving up?  This is you taking the easy way out instead of dealing with whatever issues you have right now.”  She said it more as a statement rather than a question. “This is you deciding you’re too weak to fight for something we’ve been a part of for the past three fucking years?  This is you saying you’re too weak to work past this.  This is a fucking joke, Evelyn.  This has to be some sort of fucked up joke that you thought would be so FUCKING funny.  Is this a prank or something?!” 

            “Yep.  It’s some big joke that we’ll laugh about later on in our lives and think _‘Damn that was a really bad, but hilarious joke.’_ ”  Evelyn deadpanned.  Helen was on the verge of tears and Evelyn had become visibly uncomfortable. 

            “Alright, alright.  It’s not a joke.”  The brunette rubbed the back of her neck and looked at the floor.   She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it when she realized she had no idea of what to say to the girl in front of her. 

            “Helen…I…”

            “You what?  Please explain whatever this is to me.”

            “I just…I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.  I don’t know what you want me to say…”  Helen gave Evelyn an incredulous look. 

            “YOU don’t know what I want YOU to say?!  I can’t tell you what I want you to say but I can tell you that I deserve an explanation after all of this at least.  After you ignored me for all of this time, after you left me in the dark.”  Evelyn sighed and shifted.  She looked Helen in the eyes and felt her stomach fill with butterflies.  She was a bundle of nerves. The girl in front of her knew that this wasn’t like Evelyn.  This was out of character for her.  Taking a deep breath, she began to attempt to explain herself to Helen. 

            “Alright…you want the truth?”

            “No Ev, I want to be left in the dark again and be unaware of whatever is going on here.”  Helen seethed.  Evelyn put her hands up and tried to calm the auburn haired girl down. 

            “Okay.  After that fight a couple weeks ago, I didn’t know what to think.  I know I have a problem,” Helen gave her a look, “okay, MULTIPLE problems.  I just felt like you would be so much better off without me. You’re one of the more popular people in the school that’s liked by everyone.  Literally everyone.  You could’ve had anyone you wanted…and yet you picked me.  I’m not good for you, Helen.  I’m the type of person that can sit in a corner, do their work, stay quiet, and be completely content with that.  I have a lot of issues that you shouldn’t have to worry about.  Like the whole drinking problem and the whole plotting other people’s demises thing.  You, you are always in the center of the crowd.  You’re who everyone wants to be.  You have a future ahead of you…I can’t love you the way you should be loved Hel.” Evelyn looked at her feet and chuckled sadly, “You deserve the world and more.  You deserve the stars in the sky and the moon.  You deserve everything in the world, and I can’t give you that.  You should be with someone who you deserve and who deserves you…” A tear formed in Evelyn’s eye and her last comment was almost too quiet to be heard, “I never deserved you…”  Helen visibly softened.  She just stared at the brunette.  Evelyn had her arms wrapped around herself and her shoulders hunched.  She looked so small to Helen.  She dropped the letter on the floor as what Evelyn had just said processed itself in her head. 

            “Evelyn…”  Helen tried to touch her arm.  Before she could make contact, the brunette pulled away. 

            “Don’t.  Please.  You should go to your friends…they’re probably looking for you anyway.  You don’t need to coddle me.  I’m a big girl.”  Evelyn turned to leave, but Helen was nowhere near done with her. 

            “No.”

            “What?”

            “I said no.  I’m not done here and neither are you.”  Evelyn looked at Helen with a confused face, “I want you to listen to me and listen VERY carefully.  Do you understand me?”  Evelyn nodded.  She looked her in the eyes and gave Helen her full attention.  “You do NOT get to be the one who chooses who I do or don’t love.  Okay?  That’s my choice to make.  Not yours.  Not my father’s.  Not my mother’s.  Not the man on the fucking moon’s choice.  It is MY choice and MY choice alone to make.  Whether you want to believe it or not, I love you Evelyn.  I made that choice.  I made that commitment to you and to us.  You don’t get to up and tell me you want to leave me because you don’t think you deserve me.  If that really were the case then I wouldn’t be here.  But you do deserve me.  You deserve all of the happiness in the world and more.  I chose you as my partner three years ago and to this day I would still choose you if I had to do it all over again.  I love you Evelyn.  Even with your horribly timed sarcasm, drinking problem, and everything else.  Every single day, you never cease to amaze me.  You’ve shown me what true love is.  You’ve shown me what true happiness is.  I don’t want to be happy without you.  I want to be happy WITH you.  You complete me, Evelyn…” Helen trailed off.  She looked back at Evelyn who had tears streaming down her face.  She was visibly shaking and holding back sobs. 

            “But…”  Evelyn’s voice quivered.

            “No buts.”  Helen opened her arms for Evelyn.  As the brunette stepped into the auburn haired girl’s grasp, she finally began to cry. 

            “I’m scared Hel…” Evelyn sobbed.  Helen pulled away slightly only to press her forehead against the Evelyn’s. 

            “Why are you scared?  Talk to me, please.” Helen almost begged Evelyn.  The brunette took a shakey breath.  She looked at Helen and explained,

            “I always run away whenever something good comes into my life because I’m so terrified of it being snatched away from me.  I’m scared you’re going to find someone else and fall out of love with me.  I’m scared that I’m going to mess up somehow and drive you away or push you away.  I don’t want to lose you Helen…I can’t lose you.  You’re the one good thing I have in this world.”  Helen stared at Evelyn with her jaw dropped from shock.  She collected herself and began,

            “Evelyn, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future.  But I do know that right here, right now, I love you and I want you for who you are.  And right now, I’m not going anywhere.  I’m here Evelyn.  You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” The brunette smiled widely with tears still streaming down her face and giggled.  She wrapped her arms tighter around the auburn haired girl and breathed her scent in.  The flowery scent of Helen filled her nose and she sighed contentedly.  Her form melded perfectly together with Helen’s.  They were a perfect match.  Her tears were no longer filled with sadness and despair.  For now, they were filled with pure joy and love.  Helen stroked her unruly hair and sighed.  She almost didn’t hear Evelyn murmur.

            “Someone is me…”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you all thought! If I get enough feedback from it, I might consider writing something else for this.


End file.
